


Is this how we say goodbye?

by Misschacilops



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Cheating, Divorce, F/F, Family Issues, Flashbacks, Married Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:54:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27779434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misschacilops/pseuds/Misschacilops
Summary: "I tried changing myself as if I was the problem. Maybe I fell in love with a person whose forever was so different from my own."
Relationships: Rachel Berry & Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 27
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guyyyyyyyyys!! Welcome back to my new faberry fic :)  
> After "Abstinence" and "Acquainted" happy endings, I wanted to write something different and a little bit angsty because I'm not used to read about this side of faberry, at least I think so.  
> And here I am with this sort of idea for a new fic; I don't know whether to keep writing more chapters, so let me know what you think about this first draft.  
> As I said before, English isn't my first language so I apologize in advance.  
> Enjoy your reading :)

The sun was shining in a way that made everything look like gold on that peaceful September Sunday. The designer sunglasses protected her sleepy eyes from the annoying rays of the sun and hid the obvious dark circles caused by the night shift at Presbyterian hospital.

She had already had two coffees and, at the moment, caffeine was the only thing that kept her eyelids lifted while she patiently watched strings of people pass before her eyes. She had missed New York.

She forgot the five-hour surgery, Ms. Johnson's face after telling her that her husband hadn't survived the tumor removal, the feeling of helplessness she'd felt; she forgot everything that had happened in the past four months while a smile unknowingly appeared on her tired face once two lively hazel eyes met hers and her feet began to walk automatically.

"Mom!" The child screamed, leaving the brunette's hand to run towards her.

Quinn took him in her arms holding him tightly, the scent of his brown hair made her feel at home, his delicate arms wrapped around her neck tightly and her heart came out of her chest. Eyes closed to enjoy that embrace, she wanted it to last an eternity; her legs shaking with the excitement of seeing him again after hearing only his voice for four months.

She slightly pulled away only to see the sparkle in those shiny eyes and the sly smile- it was missing two teeth. "Hi little man, how are you?" Quinn asked him, trying to hide the tremble in her voice.

“I missed you so much, mom! Don’t leave again!" The kid exclaimed, hugging her again and Quinn felt her eyes filled with tears.

"I missed you too, little man." She sighed happily as tiny hands cupped her face and soft lips left a kiss on her cheek with an exaggerated smack.

"Did you bring presents, Aunt Quinn?" A small voice diverted attention from her son and she looked down, the blond child looked at her with hopeful eyes and a contagious smile.

"Don't be rude, Christopher." The blonde admonished him and Quinn softly smiled.

“Of course I brought you presents. You will see them when you get home." Quinn answered and his blue eyes immediately lit up.

"Great, I’ll be up all night trying to make him sleep. Thanks Fabray!"

Quinn rolled her eyes and smiled. "He'll get tired eventually, Santana." She reassured her friend and Santana muttered something incomprehensible to herself. "Thanks for bringing Nate to me," Quinn whispered to her friends sincerely as she kissed her son's temple.

"Thank Brittany, I can't even go near the dwarf without wanting to kill her," Santana said, staring at her with a serious look and Quinn nodded weakly.

"Why do you want to kill the dwarves, aunt San?" Nate asked innocently, turning to the woman and Quinn's eyes widened in alarm.

"Okay, why don't we go see the ducks at the pond while Aunt Santana and mom go get pancakes?" Brittany asked, deflecting the children's attention from that thorny subject; Quinn looked at her with a thankful gaze and placed Nate on the ground.

"I'm glad you're back," Brittany said, hugging her, before the two children held her hands, dragging her towards the park.

"You can't say these things in front of the kids, Santana." Quinn scolded her weakly and Santana whirled around. Quinn wasn't too surprised when she felt her cheek going up in flames.

She had missed Santana’s slaps.

"This is for running away," Santana told her with a fiery look and another slap flamed up the other cheek. "This is for defending her."

"Is everything okay here?" A middle-aged gentleman approached them, having witnessed the scene. "Should I call someone?" He asked again and Quinn turned to look at him.

“Don't worry, everything is fine. It’s a way of greeting." Quinn reassured him, smoothing the hair that covered her face.

"Are you sure? I can call the police." The man insisted and Santana snorted.

“Could you mind your own fucking business? She is my best friend, I'm trying to make her understand what the fuck is wrong with her life."

Quinn reassured the man once again and sighed in relief as he gave up and walked away suspiciously.

"I'm not defending her but I don't want people to badmouth my son's mother in front of my son." Quinn calmly explained to her, starting to walk towards the bar.

“What are you going to do now? Don't tell me you're going to leave again because of that neurosurgery shit." Santana told her bored and Quinn smiled.

Quinn knew Santana had missed her. Despite the time zone, Santana called her every day, wanting to know any kind of news and reporting anything related to Nate; she patiently waited for Santana to video call her at three in the morning just to see her son at Santana's house.

She had said goodbye to her son the day before departure, not wanting to do it at the airport knowing that she wouldn't have had the courage to leave. It was excruciating to reach her seat on the plane.

Santana had yelled at her for two hours trying to stop her, trying to show her an alternative way to do the right things.

Quinn had always been tempted by the opportunity to go to London and then Seoul. Dr. Robbins had always mentioned that career leap; that opportunity presented itself to her because she was one of the best neurosurgeons in the whole country and that it would have been an excellent springboard for a future as Chief of surgery.

But Quinn had always refused because of her family, her marriage, her son.

Yet she had been seized by an avalanche of selfish feelings when the same proposal was presented to her again because her marriage was on the edge of a precipice, just like her mental health. She had to do it, she had to leave to get back on her feet doing what she did best, what she could do without even looking.

“No, I came back to stay here, San. I want the position I deserve at the Presbyterian." Quinn said, her gaze straight ahead.

“As much as I appreciate your skills as the crazy neuro-God, that's not what I was talking about. What about the midget?”

Santana hadn't dared to say her name for four months- since the night Quinn told her she was packing her bags to go to London during the summer.

"I think I'll ask for a divorce," Quinn replied calmly. "I talked to a lawyer, he will help me with the matter, I want it to be over immediately."

"He wanted to see you every day," Santana said and Quinn nodded weakly. "It was heartbreaking to see him cry while his incompetent mother didn't know what to tell him. If it wasn't for Brittany, I don't know how things would have turned out. "

“I don't even know how to thank you, I don't know how to repay you for all the mess you solved because of me. You have your family to think about, I should have looked after mine but I couldn't, Santana. I couldn’t." Quinn admitted with a lump in her throat and Santana stopped abruptly, looking at her.

“Listen up, Fabray! I'll never forgive you for running away like a coward. Nate needed his mother, not strangers. But it's done, you've been a bad mother. Now you just have to get your dignity back and move on. For you, for your child, and for all the people who love you. Did I make myself clear, asshole?" Santana asked with a firm voice and Quinn looked at her amused, despite the tears in her eyes.

"What? Do I amuse you? I'm not your fucking personal clown." Santana told her indignantly but Quinn saw her lip quivering.

It was quick the way she wrapped her arms around her friend's body, holding her tightly after four months. "I missed you." She barely whispered into her ear and never heard so many bad words come out of Santana's mouth in just ten seconds. It was a new record.

"Whatever. For being an acclaimed neurosurgeon, you are so stupid." Santana told her as she hugged her. "Now let's get the pancakes to the little monsters before they start complaining."

***

“Can we go to the zoo tomorrow? Aunt Britt said there are hippos. I like hippos." Nate asked as they sat on the floor in the living room of her first Manhattan apartment, playing with the toy cars Quinn had bought in London.

It was weird going back to that apartment. She had never sold it, she couldn't.

The view over Manhattan was lovely and it was comfortable, just the right size, without too many memories hanging on the walls reminding her how a failure it had all turned out to be.

“You have to go to school tomorrow, Nate. But maybe you can go with your mommy in the afternoon." Quinn said, trying to hide the concern in her voice. The child nodded slightly, focusing on the Hot Wheels track.

"Can you come back, mom?" Nate asked without stopping playing with the toy cars and Quinn looked at him miserably. "Did you leave because of me? I promise you I'll be good."

Quinn wanted to cry. She knew she had it all wrong. She knew she had been a bad mother and wanted to go back four months to better manage the situation that had gotten out of hand.

Her hands reached Nate’s tiny body Nate and picked him up, hugging him and kissing his forehead. "Nate, look at me," Quinn said, her hand stroking the baby's pale cheek. “I need you to know that it's not your fault what happened and that I love you more than my life but I can't go home, my love. It's a grown-up matter, between your mommy and I but it’s not your fault, okay? " Quinn said, holding back the tears and the baby nodded unconvinced.

"We’ll see each other almost every day, you can come here, you will have another bedroom and we will fill it with toys while your mother and I sort out our things. I promise that I'll always be here, okay? " Quinn said again and hugged him.

"Can I have a hug too?" A familiar voice behind them asked, making her jump.

"Grandpa!" The little boy screamed, freeing himself from Quinn's arms to run towards the older man.

"My champion!" The man said, ruffling the blond hair of the little boy who hugged his legs.

"Dad, I didn't hear you come in," Quinn said, standing up and walking towards her father.

"You haven't even heard my calls in the last four months," Russel said reproachfully and Quinn sighed.

"Grandpa you have to see the gifts mom brought me!" The child screamed and Russel smiled, leaning towards his grandson.

"Wait for me in the living room, okay?" The man said and the child pouted, stomping his foot on the ground.

“Oh, Nathan. That pout doesn't work on me, you know. " Russel said slightly laughing and the child snorted unhappily, walking back to the living room.

He was just like his mother.

“I had to hear from the tabloids about your return. Your face is all over those pathetic Broadway magazines. You came back two days ago and didn't warn anyone." Her father said taking off his jacket and placing it on the chair. He then headed for the kitchen and Quinn followed him without much choice.

"I needed to clean up the house to make it acceptable for my son," Quinn said, justifying herself and her father sighed.

Two shit days.

She had to set up a house that had been uninhabited for nearly five years, go shopping, make the beds and clean the room, go to work and find the courage to face her son and let him know that she hadn't abandoned him.

"There's a good chance I'll become the Presbyterian's head of neurology," Quinn added, ignoring her father's silence as he opened the bottle of wine.

"At least you have achieved your purpose after leaving your family," Russel said as Quinn took the two wine glasses from the cabinet.

"I didn’t leave my family. I left for a job opportunity that has always been proposed to me and that I have _always_ refused to put my wife's needs first. You’re one to talk, dad." Quinn said, placing the two glasses on the kitchen island and Russel poured the wine.

"Don’t. You can't blame me for what I did. Or rather, you can. You have every right to blame me but I'm berating you because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes. I’m talking to you as your father." Russel said back and Quinn could find nothing to argue.

Russel Fabray was a completely different man.

She had hated him with all her heart. She was sure she was never going to see him again.

But then he got in touch with her after her freshman year at Yale. Quinn had avoided him like the plague.

It took one more year to sit in a bar with her dad for more than a minute, without drastic scenes.

It took two more years to have a civil relationship, one more year to have an almost normal relationship. Six more months to hug him.

Her father was another person, someone she had never known. Someone who didn't expect something from her that she wasn't willing to give.

Russel 2.0 respected her decisions.

They certainly argued, but those discussions were typical disagreements between father and daughter, they had not as essential aim to force her.

Her parents never got back together but they were on good terms and Russel tried to build something with her that Quinn had never known. A real yet fragile relationship.

Quinn had gradually let him in, not without heartbreaking discussions and endless arguments but they had come to a moment of balance.

“I'll take care of the divorce case. You’ll get the house and your child, you owe her nothing. You waited too long to act. " Her father sharply said and Quinn shook her head.

“I've already talked to a lawyer. I don't want you to be involved." Quinn admitted and Russel looked at her surprised.

"Do you know a better lawyer than me?" Russel asked, sitting down and looking at her waiting for her answer.

“I don't want a lawyer. I just need someone to help me with the legal shit. I don't want to go to court. I don't want the house because I don't give a fuck about the damn house, I don't want the full custody because my son will end up to hate me for completely separating him from his mother." Quinn firmly said and Russel looked at her seriously.

"He is a Fabray," Russel told her and Quinn shook her head, rubbing her temples. Too much stress to be back from 48 hours.

“He's not just a Fabray, dad. And, objectively, I can't properly take care of him because of my work. Going to court and fighting for him would hurt him and he doesn't deserve it. He's not responsible for our bullshit. I don't want any of that. I need this to be over." Quinn said calmly and Russel sighed, clearly disappointed but not really surprised.

"I never liked her. I never considered her to be up to you even though I thought she had at least good taste and good values." Her dad said with bitterness in his voice and Quinn smiled faintly.

“You can say her name, you know. Rachel cheated on me, you can say that. There is no need to beat around the bush." Quinn shrugged and Russel looked at her, worried about the wall she was building around her, like she didn’t care.

"Rachel cheated on you."

Quinn sighed and nodded, looking at her finger, free from the wedding ring.


	2. I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!   
> Here I am with another chapter, I'm so glad you asked for a long fic ily  
> Don't worry, things will be explained in due time, just wait for the plot to be developed.   
> So, let me know what you think about this, your suspicions about what happened, and what you think about Quinn's way to cope.  
> As I said before, English isn't my first language, so pls forgive my mistakes   
> See you soon :)

_Her father had always told her to finish her studies, to marry a man worthy of her, to become the perfect wife and mother. What a peaceful and carefree life._

_Yet it had all gone to hell when she had felt fat that day, having to seek confirmation in Puck's rough and uncoordinated touch; when she had to learn to be the rejected girl one more time. Rejected by her father (first as Lucy and then as Quinn), rejected by her boyfriend - well there wasn't much to discuss about that-, rejected by the social hierarchy of which she was the queen, only to find herself among the losers._

_She had been through nine months of morning sickness, hormonal upswings, and peculiar cravings; she had to face loss for the second time, her daughter. She had to see death so up close to understand the value of life and what her future was: in the Maldives, in a huge bed with a completely naked Rachel Berry, the long brown hair covered her chest and the regular breathing pinched the skin on her breastbone._

_Life was a fucking rollercoaster._

_"You haven't slept a wink," Rachel whispered in her ear, squeezing the hand Quinn had placed on her own bare belly. "Please, tell me you have no symptoms of food poisoning because, if that’s the case, I'm so going to kill Kurt for choosing his friend's catering," Rachel added, caressing her side and Quinn laughed amused._

_“No, no food poisoning. It was all delicious, my stomach is fine." She answered calmly and Rachel slightly shifted, resting her head on the palm of her hand to get a better look at Quinn, her brow furrowed with curiosity._

_"What is going on?" Rachel asked her, stroking affectionately her cheek. Quinn shrugged and caressed the back of Rachel’s neck, her fingers working their way through the fragrant brown hair - despite the habit, it was always intoxicating the way the fragrance awoke her senses._

_"I love you, you know."_

_Rachel frowned more and the half-smile on her face hid the confusion she felt listening to those words._

_"The fact that we got married thirty-eight hours ago it’s more than a validation." Rachel said, starting to fidget with the expensive wedding ring, her fingertip brushed the brilliant-cut diamonds on Quinn’s finger as if she wanted to confirm everything that had happened in the previous hours. “And I love you too, in case it wasn't clear enough. Is this what you’re worried about? Are you having second thoughts?” Rachel asked alarmed, pulling away a little but Quinn was quick to hold her in the same position and tightened her wife even more to her._

_"No, obviously not." Quinn hurried to say. "It's just … we are an unlikely, unexpected couple. We are a plot twist."_

_Rachel heaved a sigh of relief and left a chaste kiss on her lips. "So, it wasn't the “oh my God, why did we do it" panic but the "how did we get there" kind of freaking out?" Rachel asked smiling, her nose brushing her cheek._

_"Don't you ever think about it?" Quinn asked curiously, stroking her bareback. Rachel nodded, her eyes glowing with a mysterious light._

_“Of course I think about it and you’re right. We’re definitely the unplanned, unexpected couple. All I had to do was charm you and now…” Rachel started to say, lifting herself up a little, levering on her elbow to prevent putting all her body weight on Quinn as their lips met again._

_"And now?" Quinn asked with shortness of breath as she lost herself in those eyes._

_Rachel kissed her again. Their lips found a tender rhythm as Rachel intertwined their bodies._

_"And now I want your babies," Rachel confessed, lips tingling Quinn’s lobe while her fingertips traced the skin along the sternum. Quinn felt her heart pop out of her chest._

_"I hope your tachycardia is a good sign." Rachel said, looking up for an answer – in what world could tachycardia be a good sign? - and Quinn nodded furiously._

_Rachel brushed her lips with hers, teasing Quinn, not letting their mouths fully meet._

_"Four." She whispered, Quinn opened her eyes wide and grabbed her hips as Rachel intertwined their legs, rubbing her heat on purpose._

_“Four children? We don’t have time for four children." Quinn barely said, distracted by the pressure between her legs. "Let’s start with something simple."_

_Rachel smiled faintly and moaned as Quinn's leg made contact with her wet sex._

_“Between one show and another. And then there’s maternity leave." Rachel said back panting while paying attention to the sensitive area behind Quinn’s ear. She knew it was a way to bribe her. "Four."_

_"You're not playing fair." Quinn moaned, feeling the familiar sensation gripping her lower abdomen, the sound of their mingled breathing quickened._

_“All is fair in love and war. And the fundamentals of every relationship are the right compromises.” Rachel murmured, bucking her hips against her thighs, her breath hot against Quinn's ear._

_By that point, Quinn didn't even know how Rachel could still speak while their bodies were so fused into each other. "Oh, shut up," Quinn said, biting her neck and Rachel couldn’t even hide her grin._

_"Make me."_

_Quinn hushed her with a rough and demanding kiss. She licked Rachel's bottom lip and then took it between her teeth, eliciting a moan in Rachel's throat. Her hands on the firm ass, pushing Rachel purposely against her thigh, and Rachel kissed her twice as hard while her hands went into blonde silky hair, gripping her nape, pulling Quinn even closer._

_A blinding white heat pooled in the pit of her stomach, coiling and binding everything inside her so tightly that her toes curled up. "Cum with me."_

_Rachel was panting so hard she had begun to sweat as Quinn's hand guided her hips against her own thigh, the other one reached her breast, starting to pinch and stroke. Her mouth was relentless and voracious on Rachel's exposed neck and their bodies lost their rhythm, shaking with the pleasure. Rachel closed her eyes, she hid in the crock of her neck and a loud moan ripped out of her throat, her hips awkwardly moved against Quinn one last time, giving release to both. Their shaking breathings were the only sound they could hear in that room while the sun finally rose up into the sky._

_"Two children," Quinn muttered as Rachel began to trace the features of her face delicately and left kisses scattered across her neck._

_"Fine. Three children if everything works out." Rachel said when her lips were already on Quinn’s abs._

The operating room was her safe place.

Everything was planned and rational, from the surgical scrub to the moment the patient was awakened. Complications were established and she had a solution to every problem.

The only variable, not so trivial and without a solution, was death and Quinn had learned to accept that it was a probability - sometimes high, sometimes low. She had accepted that her skills could challenge physiology but they weren't enough. They were a necessary but not a sufficient condition.

But she loved the way it all was standardized: incision, opening, problem-solving, suturing. Patient safe and conscious, without damage. Easy.

The smell of antiseptic strongly reached her nostrils and had a weird calming effect on her; she began to hum softly, following the preoperative procedure of the surgical scrub.

"Hey, Mc Dreamy, you don't look bad for someone who has been cheated on." A familiar voice told her as she soaped her hands and elbows. Quinn looked at Robert amused, her co-worker smirked at her, his blue eyes were the only area not covered by protective devices and they looked at her with amusement mixed with curiosity.

The man reached the faucet and started the surgical scrub next to her. It was the first surgery they had together after four months.

"I know how to wear the horns," Quinn replied, her smile hidden by the surgical mask.

Robert was the male version of Santana, with blonde hair and blue eyes; for that reason, after hitting on her first day at the Presbyterian, they became best friends. Unlike Santana, he didn't use slaps to help her to put her shit together and they definitely had a healthier relationship.

"The new scrub cap covers them better." The man added, seeing that the customized cap with gold stars was replaced by the one with the constellations.

Quinn laughed heartily, shaking her head as she turned off the faucet with her elbow while the man started the nail washing.

"If you get close, you see them popping out," Quinn said with a wink and then walked into the surgery room.

"Hello everyone," Quinn said smiling at the surgical team; then she walked towards the sterile field where the towel, the gown and gloves were stored.

Quinn looked up at the gallery where some of the students were waiting for her to start the surgery; she slightly smiled when she noticed that everyone was whispering something looking at her.

The gossip had spread right away four months before.

Robert called her that same evening Quinn run to her old Manhattan apartment. Her best friend brought her one of his bottles of expensive scotch, the one he was fond of - Quinn understood the gravity of the situation.

With every sip, devastated eyes were on the packed suitcases. Robert didn't say a word to her, he let her say or do something. "I've never felt like this." They were the only words that left her mouth.

The morning after Dr. Robbins was surprised to see her in the hospital hallways. Instead, he wasn’t surprised when she told him that she had accepted the job opportunity in London for the summer. The Chief of surgery smiled at her sympathetically but didn’t say a word about that topic nor about the paparazzi surrounding his hospital.

Quinn put on her gown and her old cap, performing the last surgery at the Presbyterian, Robert at her side.

No one dared to speak to her, but everyone looked at her and everyone whispered.

When she looked up at the gallery there were a lot of people. Probably everyone was expecting an emotional breakdown, a fit of anger or a dead patient.

Before cutting the skin tissue, she lifted her head, and, for a moment, it was all quiet. Nobody dared to talk.

“Let that be a lesson to you. Personal matters must be left out of this hospital. A good surgeon must always give the best in all circumstances."

And that day, just like then, Quinn, with the scalpel in her hand, acted like the crazy neuro-god, like Santana used to call her.

And that day, just as then, Robert stood by her side and said the ritual magic formula.

_"Never say die"_

There was no emotional breakdown, no fit of anger. Nobody died that day.

Judy Fabray was an active and always busy woman, unable to stay still.

She looked like a spinning top as she walked through the kitchen, between the stove and the pantry, between the sink and the kitchen island, even though it wasn't the familiar kitchen of her Lima home.

Quinn looked at her, impatiently sitting on the stool, her elbows resting on the white marble of the island, her eyes following every movement, every procedure, while her mother finished the last preparations.

She bitterly regretted giving the spare keys of her apartment to her parents because they showed up like a damn Houdini.

“Mom, I'm not five anymore. I know how to cook and live." Quinn said when her mother finally put the last dirty, empty pot in the dishwasher and placed the slice of beef with potatoes and asparagus before her.

“Bacon is not a dish, Quinnie. You have to work and look after a child, food is energy." Judy told her with an encouraging smile, sitting down in front of her and pouring herself some water.

“You could have scolded me over the phone, mom. You didn't have to leave Lima. " Quinn said, taking the first bite and she had to admit she missed her mother's cooking. "Okay, maybe bribing me with food was a great move," Quinn said, taking another bite, and her mother smiled proud of herself. "I'm fine."

Judy looked at her sighing. "Are you fine? The last time you called me was to tell me that you were in London and that your wife had cheated on you, making me promise not to do anything until your return and you were gone for four months." Judy said sharply while she kept cutting the meat as if she was killing the beef for the second time.

"And now I'm fine because I had four months to focus on something that wasn’t my wife kissing someone who wasn't me," Quinn said back and Judy looked at her, her gaze softened, her hand stroked Quinn's on the marble.

“Spare me the pity look, please. I'm tired of people treating me like a fragile idiot." Quinn warned her, wiping her mouth and then drinking.

"I'm not and you’re not a fragile idiot. But please, let your father help you. Get your son and I'll move here to New York. We'll help you out." Judy said, squeezing her hand and Quinn sighed.

“You know I've already talked to dad. Nate needs his mothers and I need my job right now. I need something that makes me feel safe, not a loser. Spending my days in court making the two most important people in my life miserable doesn't seem to be such a good pastime." Quinn said and Judy sighed disconsolately at those words.

“Your father called the workers to paint the guest room, they should start tomorrow. Brittany and I took care of the move issue. I told the moving company to start in the morning when Nathan is going to be at school." Judy informed her and Quinn nodded.

"Thanks, mom." She whispered, slightly smiling as she ran her hand tiredly through her long blond hair.

"So? Did you meet anyone while you were away? " Judy asked, trying to lighten the mood, and Quinn's eyes widened uncomfortably. "Too soon?"

The hot shower had relaxed every cell in her body, the delicate sheets smelled of vanilla, the darkroom was quiet but the bed was half empty so she laid down in the middle of the bed.

She closed her eyes and those images appeared again in her mind, insistent, overbearing. The labored breathing, the sweaty forehead, the tachycardia, the gash in the heart were now faithful sleeping fellows when the eyelids closed like a stage curtain and the unconscious began its macabre show.

Peace. Torment. That ghost haunted her everywhere and it was worse than a thousand slaps, Santana’s slaps.

He looked at her slyly, defiantly and triumphantly. Maybe because he had never left, maybe he had always stayed for all those years and had shown up when the cracks were no longer insignificant, when they became evident and dangerous, when the earth began to open under her feet.

_It was worth it?_

_I don’t know._

Thoughts didn’t let her sleep, the silence was agony, the body free from loving arms was rigid, restless.

The eyes opened, a new day had begun. She looked at the white ceiling and just leaned out of the bed.

She turned off the alarm clock and looked at the Cartier ring on the bedside table.

_I do._

_I do._

Quinn didn't think about it too long; she opened the drawer and put the ring back in the empty space.

_I do._

_Not anymore._


End file.
